Frank could really use some proper rest. He'd been doing fine for a while, trying to find some sense of normalcy, of peace, and nearly heading in that direction with confidence, but he should have known that there's no real peace for someone like him. Staying away from New York had been good for him yet he was inevitably pulled back, and some part of him also felt the guilt of leaving behind people hew knew cared about him. Despite all the shit and stress, they still want him safe and sound and happy.
Seeing Matt again for the first time after grieving his "death" was a shock to the system, but given the state he was in at the time, they didn't get a proper reunion. He'd known Matt was okay but actually seeing him again was different. Guilt settled in again despite all he had to do. He'd been so ready to give up, to give in...
When all is said and done and Russo is buried six feet under, Frank takes some time off to clear his mind and finally embrace who he's been all this time. If they need to be apart a little longer he knows Matt will understand, and if he doesn't then Frank deserves the rejection. A couple months on the road later and he's pulled right back to New York again, this time with a sense of calm and peace he hasn't felt in years.
Waking up in Matt's familiar bed, he doesn't wake with a start from nightmares or uncertainty. Instead, he smells coffee and breakfast, and when his arm reaches out across the bed he's disappointed to find it cold and empty. A turn of his head and he sees Matt getting some clothes from his closet, and Frank slowly sits up to rub at his eyes.
"I wasn't really counting. It seemed like a good sleep."
That is, Matt didn't hear any fitful turning or signs of restlessness, just a heavy, deep breathing. He gives Frank a vague, small smile, finishing gathering up clothes. At least he and Frank are similar enough in size that this can do for now.
"How do you feel?"
Setting the clothes on the edge of the bed, Matt sits beside them. He reaches out to press a hand to Frank's chest just to feel that he's there, smiling a little more.
"Best sleep I've had in months." If he's being completely honest. He sits back against the headboard and sighs out, feeling more relaxed than he feels he has the right to be. He wouldn't be here if Matt didn't want him to be though, and the fact that he's been so accepting is... more than Frank deserves. They both need a break from all the shit.
He returns the smile and rests his hand against Matt's, thumb rubbing along his skin. Yeah, he's here, real and breathing.
"Good, I think. It's weird to say. I haven't felt good in so long." Which is so dramatic but - "Relieved."
And he does, really. Matt went through his own bullshit to get to this point, too, so he understands. For him, realizing he had people there that cared about him had helped. He hopes that it helps Frank.
"I'm glad you came back," he says, after a moment. "You can stay as long as you want, but I understand if you want to hit the road again."
Frank shakes his head almost immediately, gripping Matt's hand a little stronger.
"No, I came back for a reason." His time on the road was good for himself but seeing Matt again in the hospital... that moment kept returning to his mind over and over again. They have so much to catch up on. "I want to be here."
Matt laughs a bit. He leans over to nudge their noses together, enjoying the moment. It's quiet and there's no urgency for anything. He thinks about apologizing for not helping Frank, but decides against it. They can talk about everything later, when they want to.
No need to ruin this.
"I made breakfast. No rush to get up." Matt's certainly in no rush himself to leave Frank's side now that he's there.
In the months they were apart Frank honestly couldn't stop thinking about how Matt was doing, how he was recovering, and hoping he was okay. He's a good man who probably deserves better than a guy like Frank, but they're in too deep at this point and no matter their experiences and differences, he can't imagine not coming back to this again. The time he thought he'd lost Matt forever was hell.
Eyes shut when they're closer and he leans in enough to press their foreheads together. "You're being extra nice to me. I'm almost suspicious."
But he's smiling again, happy they can have moments to pause at all.
"Maybe I just missed you." Matt raises a hand to Frank's cheek, feeling the edge of Frank's smile with his thumb. "Don't get used to it."
He laughs and presses his lips to Frank's cheek. There's another nuzzle before he draws back, letting his hand drop to Frank's neck and giving it a light squeeze.
"I'm sure it's only going to be a matter of time before we want to punch each other in the face again."
They're sweet gestures and Frank leans into Matt for more, wishing they could stay like this a little longer. When did he get so soft? When did he get so soft with Matt?
Chuckling, he lowers his head to kiss Matt's shoulder next, lingering there for a long moment. "I'm just glad you're okay. If I can punch you without breaking you, that's a good sign."
Matt presses his nose to Frank's hair. He's happy to just hold him there, to enjoy having him back. Matt never knows how long it could be for. Things happen, they both have chaotic lives they can't leave behind, but maybe now they've come to peace with that.
"I don't know if I'm getting better or worse at taking a hit."
The familiar comfort of being in Matt's bed is soothing right now. After all is sad and done, what they've shared is... different. Matt understands his lifestyle in ways others can't and won't, and subjecting him to the Punisher is different than a civilian getting caught up in his bullshit.
"Maybe you need a break too. Just some time off. A couple days won't hurt, right?" Sighing out, his arms loop around Matt's middle to pull him closer on the bed. "Come here."
Well, Matt's not going to protest. He happily lets Frank bundle him closer, moving to sit across Frank's legs.
"You gonna take a break, too?"
He presses his nose to Frank's cheek then kisses him, quick and light, exhaling a sigh. Maybe Frank shouldn't bring Matt as much comfort as he does. But he always has, at least since Frank saved him on the rooftop. Guilt curls up inside him about the things he said about Frank, and he shifts, hoping to push it down.
Having this kind of physical intimacy again is surreal but important and he's glad Matt hasn't been pushing him away, even though they're easing back into a new normal. This can work, right? He wants it to.
"Yeah... if you will too." But they both know it won't last long, given how they feel about their respective responsibilities. One of his hands sneaks under Matt's shirt as he hugs him, just to feel the warmth of his skin, and he kisses him back gently. "But I won't stop you from doing your own shit."
They're adults, right? Matt doesn't see the point in denying that he missed this, or that as detached as he is he still wants human connection, or any point in pretending like they should start at the beginning. If they went back to square one every time they were apart, they'd never get anywhere.
"You've had a lot of excitement recently."
Which means, Frank should relax, but Matt knows better. First sign of trouble and they'll both be out there. For now, though, he's happy to lean into Frank.
After all the bullshit... why not deserve something nice and slow for once? Frank tries not to think about all that's happened since he left again, trying to bury those skeletons for good. Billy Russo is no longer his problem and he doesn't want his memory to taint something good in Frank's life again.
He presses his forehead to Matt's temple, looking down between them.
"I was kinda lost for a while when I thought you were dead," he admits quietly, lips pressing together as his jaw tenses. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't believe it."
Frank nods slowly, knowing that with all the shit Matt's been through, physically as well, he can't blame him for having his doubts or concerns. Frank knows all too well how it feels to be laid up broken in bed, feeling helpless and faithless.
"But you're still not me, right?" He nudges Matt gently. "I hope not."
He smiles, but it doesn't quit reach his eyes. Matt still doesn't know what he would have done had Vanessa not spoken up. Would he have crossed the line? It had been harder than ever to reign himself in at that moment.
But he was getting better at letting go of his hang ups. Maybe he wouldn't ever get to that point again.
"I really thought I was going to kill him, Frank. I really - It seemed like the only way."
In another time and space entirely, Frank would have berated him for not giving Fisk the killing blow, but they've both learned and changed much since that day on the rooftop. Frank knows the burden of taking a life and what that means from there on out, and it isn't something he thinks Matt could handle. Leave it to people like Frank to decide.
He gives Matt's middle a comforting squeeze, defensive and protective. Yeah, those emotions weren't on the forefront of his mind when they first met too.
"He definitely deserves it but not from you. That's not you." Frank knows Fisk will get what he deserves at some point, whether through Frank's means or someone else's. "Showing him mercy isn't something he expected, I'm sure."
"If I'd done it, then he would have won in the end." More or less. He thinks that maybe Fisk would have spent that last moment of life gloating.
It's not something worth thinking about. What is worth thinking about is Frank, and the two of them together, and how comfortable Matt feels being around him again.
"I was thinking I might call in sick to work today."
Yeah, he would much rather focus on the present as well. Frank has spent so many days lingering in the past, being haunted by the past, and wondering what he could have done to change things. With Russo in the ground he finally feels like he can let parts of those worries go at last.
Parts.
"Yeah? Since when are you irresponsible?" There's a smirk in his tone and Frank chuckles as he leans his head back against the headboard, content to sit here with Matt's weight on him. "Gonna spend the day with me?"
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Seeing Matt again for the first time after grieving his "death" was a shock to the system, but given the state he was in at the time, they didn't get a proper reunion. He'd known Matt was okay but actually seeing him again was different. Guilt settled in again despite all he had to do. He'd been so ready to give up, to give in...
When all is said and done and Russo is buried six feet under, Frank takes some time off to clear his mind and finally embrace who he's been all this time. If they need to be apart a little longer he knows Matt will understand, and if he doesn't then Frank deserves the rejection. A couple months on the road later and he's pulled right back to New York again, this time with a sense of calm and peace he hasn't felt in years.
Waking up in Matt's familiar bed, he doesn't wake with a start from nightmares or uncertainty. Instead, he smells coffee and breakfast, and when his arm reaches out across the bed he's disappointed to find it cold and empty. A turn of his head and he sees Matt getting some clothes from his closet, and Frank slowly sits up to rub at his eyes.
"Shit, how long was I out?"
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That is, Matt didn't hear any fitful turning or signs of restlessness, just a heavy, deep breathing. He gives Frank a vague, small smile, finishing gathering up clothes. At least he and Frank are similar enough in size that this can do for now.
"How do you feel?"
Setting the clothes on the edge of the bed, Matt sits beside them. He reaches out to press a hand to Frank's chest just to feel that he's there, smiling a little more.
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He returns the smile and rests his hand against Matt's, thumb rubbing along his skin. Yeah, he's here, real and breathing.
"Good, I think. It's weird to say. I haven't felt good in so long." Which is so dramatic but - "Relieved."
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And he does, really. Matt went through his own bullshit to get to this point, too, so he understands. For him, realizing he had people there that cared about him had helped. He hopes that it helps Frank.
"I'm glad you came back," he says, after a moment. "You can stay as long as you want, but I understand if you want to hit the road again."
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"No, I came back for a reason." His time on the road was good for himself but seeing Matt again in the hospital... that moment kept returning to his mind over and over again. They have so much to catch up on. "I want to be here."
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Matt laughs a bit. He leans over to nudge their noses together, enjoying the moment. It's quiet and there's no urgency for anything. He thinks about apologizing for not helping Frank, but decides against it. They can talk about everything later, when they want to.
No need to ruin this.
"I made breakfast. No rush to get up." Matt's certainly in no rush himself to leave Frank's side now that he's there.
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Eyes shut when they're closer and he leans in enough to press their foreheads together. "You're being extra nice to me. I'm almost suspicious."
But he's smiling again, happy they can have moments to pause at all.
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He laughs and presses his lips to Frank's cheek. There's another nuzzle before he draws back, letting his hand drop to Frank's neck and giving it a light squeeze.
"I'm sure it's only going to be a matter of time before we want to punch each other in the face again."
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Chuckling, he lowers his head to kiss Matt's shoulder next, lingering there for a long moment. "I'm just glad you're okay. If I can punch you without breaking you, that's a good sign."
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Matt presses his nose to Frank's hair. He's happy to just hold him there, to enjoy having him back. Matt never knows how long it could be for. Things happen, they both have chaotic lives they can't leave behind, but maybe now they've come to peace with that.
"I don't know if I'm getting better or worse at taking a hit."
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"Maybe you need a break too. Just some time off. A couple days won't hurt, right?" Sighing out, his arms loop around Matt's middle to pull him closer on the bed. "Come here."
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"You gonna take a break, too?"
He presses his nose to Frank's cheek then kisses him, quick and light, exhaling a sigh. Maybe Frank shouldn't bring Matt as much comfort as he does. But he always has, at least since Frank saved him on the rooftop. Guilt curls up inside him about the things he said about Frank, and he shifts, hoping to push it down.
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"Yeah... if you will too." But they both know it won't last long, given how they feel about their respective responsibilities. One of his hands sneaks under Matt's shirt as he hugs him, just to feel the warmth of his skin, and he kisses him back gently. "But I won't stop you from doing your own shit."
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"You've had a lot of excitement recently."
Which means, Frank should relax, but Matt knows better. First sign of trouble and they'll both be out there. For now, though, he's happy to lean into Frank.
"I guess I have, too."
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He presses his forehead to Matt's temple, looking down between them.
"I was kinda lost for a while when I thought you were dead," he admits quietly, lips pressing together as his jaw tenses. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't believe it."
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He's not sure what else to say. Apologizing seems insincere, it definitely doesn't make up for all the bullshit Matt's pulled, but.
"I was pretty lost, too. I kept thinking about what you said to me once. I'm just one bad day away from being you. I get that now."
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"But you're still not me, right?" He nudges Matt gently. "I hope not."
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He smiles, but it doesn't quit reach his eyes. Matt still doesn't know what he would have done had Vanessa not spoken up. Would he have crossed the line? It had been harder than ever to reign himself in at that moment.
But he was getting better at letting go of his hang ups. Maybe he wouldn't ever get to that point again.
"I really thought I was going to kill him, Frank. I really - It seemed like the only way."
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He gives Matt's middle a comforting squeeze, defensive and protective. Yeah, those emotions weren't on the forefront of his mind when they first met too.
"He definitely deserves it but not from you. That's not you." Frank knows Fisk will get what he deserves at some point, whether through Frank's means or someone else's. "Showing him mercy isn't something he expected, I'm sure."
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It's not something worth thinking about. What is worth thinking about is Frank, and the two of them together, and how comfortable Matt feels being around him again.
"I was thinking I might call in sick to work today."
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Parts.
"Yeah? Since when are you irresponsible?" There's a smirk in his tone and Frank chuckles as he leans his head back against the headboard, content to sit here with Matt's weight on him. "Gonna spend the day with me?"